Just as last weekend was a perfection of a weekend, this weekend was not. This weekend was emotionally draining, sad, heart aching and dissapointing.
This weekend was a rude awakening that my daughter will never know the life I imagined for her….we were visiting our friends on Saturday and as we walked in their house, a mom opened the door welcomed us in, and following behind us, the dad and daughter walked in. Kiki turned around to me and said “Ella* mama kuca , no tata, no tata kuca” (In translation, Ella’s mom house, no dad house”), as she looked confused at little girl’s dad walking around the house and getting us snacks. In that split second my world came crumbling down all over again as I knew that my daughter will never have a family life that I wanted for her, that my daughter will never know what does it mean to grow up with two parents living together and showing her what love is….in that moment, my heart broke in thousand pieces all over again.
And if that wasn’t enough, after months and months of really hard work of co-parenting and ensuring that she knows that she is loved, taken care of, protected and feels safe, I noticed a small change in her behavior at the “exchange time” [the time when her dad comes to pick her up or I am coming home from work and she is asking her Nanny who is coming to be with her]….all of a sudden she doesn’t want to go with dad. Now don’t mis-understand me…she is happy once she is with her dad [after all, he sends me pictures where she is laughing and smiling so I am assuming she is happy]. But something happened and her behavior changed.
Obviously we are co-parenting and trying our best to keep the lines of communications open, so I asked her dad what has happened in the last two weeks, what change has occurred, and lo and behold, she has met the “OTHER WOMAN” in that same period. Coincidence? I don’t think so. I don’t believe in coincidences… I am no psychologist, but I do know my daughter better than anyone!
I knew the day of meeting the “OTHER WOMAN” was coming, after all she has met the M&M, but what I want to know is what happened in the presence of the other woman to change her behavior 180….I guess that’s where co-parenting and open lines of communications come in place….
A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of consequences of what my divorce has done or will do to Kiki. She is young, she will never know of three of us as a family, she will never know of family I intended for her, but I am determined to give her my best. I am determined to protect her from anything that makes her uncomfortable, insecure of her place in the family, unhappy or unhealthy for her well being. I work and will continue to work very hard every day to make sure her childhood is as normal as possible, whatever that normal is, or at least the way I grew up, that she is surrounded with love and happiness and people that truly care for her, but some days just beat me to it. And this was one of those days….
I guess no one said divorce would be easy…there are no winners in divorce, we are all losers…I just wish the losses would be easier on our children….
*names have been changed to protect child’s privacy*co-parenting, divorce, me, pain, single mom, the other woman